People say i am averse to love, my friends are sick and tired of my over exposed singular status, nostly when with their respective girlfriends, spouses/ fiancees ..Some even question my sexual orientation. Why is it this difficult for some body to realise that a person can be happy of his single hood. Even my parents are a bit intrigued with my so called happiness as the seeds of my marriage have slowly started germinating in their heads.
The true fact is just because a person is single , it does not mean he is averse to love as much as the fact that not nessecarily a single man will always seek love..
The fact i am not seeking love, does not logically mean i am averse to it.
I have heard the cliche a godzillion number of times now, that the perfect match is waiting right at the next corner but you fail to see her.
I am so tired of it now.. i have made the perfect match criteria so difficult
.. that no body can ever say that again..its not easy to find a tall dusky curly haired intellectual bong girl any way..(technical barriers to find the match)
the other day an friend of mine. she came up to me and said, every body has a perfect match, u just need to find him or her.. yes right.. the world has a population of around 100 billion.. so the probability of finding her is 1 in 100 billion i said.. dont you think i have better things to do than running after such a probability.
Few days back, when i was in delhi, i use to cross the national adoption center everyday en route office.
One day i walked in, just to find that being a single father, i night have to wait a donkeys year to be eligible for adoption.
Why cant a single Man be a good father i Ask??
Why is everybody and the world at large conspiring to get me hitched??
On the hind side
The question i ask to myself.. am i really averse to love?? am i running away from it, has some person within me died , have i forgotten to emote? why am i setting such high standards for myself..am i an escapist, who is scared of the ghosts of the past?.. what if the all the cliches did com true... what if i have already overlooked people i have should not..should i make ammends for lost time??
or may be she will meet me at the most unexpected places on earth.. may be i have met her in the most unexpected place..
I have no answers..
but i believe i am happy.. but i dont know my belief is questionable or not.. but its my belief.. and i stand by me.
Yes i would love to get married some day.. i would love to fall in love again.. i would love to share those intimate moments, those romantic dinners, ythose fights which two people share.. and i know i miss them..but still i wait.. for what i dont know.i wait for some thing to happen
What happened to the pro active me...has it not done with its beauty sleep??
Am I averse to love??
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5 comments:
Hi,
I don't think that you are averse to love. Nor do I think that you are once bitten twice shy. Your high standards ( sorry for the absence of any search engines) are an expression against the opportunity cost of an engagement. For instance a Mckinsey guy mite say " if only I get a Phd offer from MIT I quit this job". Or a PhD from MIT might say "if only I become a CBU head of Mckinsey I might end my academic aspirations. ".
By setting high standards you are actually saving your "happiness" and will sacrifice it for only certain ivy league (Princeton included) criteria. Its a matter of asking a very important question. How much of Today can u sacrifice for a tomorrow? Since tomorrow is uncertain and today is the day of yore, why not set high standards to offset the today?
Lets now answer the single father question. I believe our society is more utilitarian than the west. Lets look at the west for instance. Say there is Bill. Bill is 17 and is a high school grad. His dad may be a manager with GMC, but Bill pays his own fees. Bill falls for Jane. They both work in Safeway (a large American Grocery store) in the check out counters. Bill gets through Harvard. Jane works double shifts to support. Bill graduates, and helps Jane pursue her academic dreams. Then after many days they get married. This is how a utopian American society works. In the meanwhile, Jane and Bill can break up or have a great married life. But as you see they, not their parents, take all the decisions. In this case a single man or a woman has the necessary maturity to bring up a kid. So the society does not question their ability on marital status, but essentially what they went through.
Here its just the opposite. When Ravi falls for Neha, they are doing their Bcom. Ravi has to depend on his dad’s pocket to take her out, Naha’s levis jeans is a function of how her dad pampered her. Ravi has to get a job seek permission of his parents and those of Neha’s to marry her. And before that he also may need to earn his MBA. So the pre-req to marriage is usually job, high degrees (if its MBA its debatable). A single man in this society is termed as not going through such laurels. This is how our society works. It’s not the best; in fact it’s far from being great.
In case your friend and your parents worrying about your being single just say that you are fine now being alone.
Have a great life!
Avi
what i could make from this comment of yours is.. That the last line said.. I am an eligible bachelor and thats why friends and family are intrigued
, there are 2 parts two it
eligible: that means i am soing well
bachelor : i am single..
so is Ratan Tata , and JRD TATA
yes but dont you think Indian society generalises too much, i have been working for a while now.. i f i was married i would have kids.. so i could have been good dad..just because i am not .. why cant i??
Again a good blogg
you art neither tata... ratan nor jrd.... the omparison is a bit ver fetched...
as for fatherhood... cant comment too sensibly on tht as im light years away from even spelling parenthood.... but i do blv that a childs birthright to have two parents is bullshit...single parenting isnt a "modern'concept or anything....just shatters the myth that baby prouction and baby rearing is a part of the marriage packge....some kids have the best .. tho not always easy growing up when there are no beings who have merely age to justify their badge of being adults.
being single...why mary the quintissential intelligent bong girl... who is progressive enough to be a bit of the career woman..a bit of the home maker... and all of the cultural avante garde of the culture and tradition(of whatever... dont ask...)
whatever being eligible is...im eligible to do bartending or do research in aerodynamics...its just that i choose to do neither.... nor do i choose to walk the streets naked bcoz its too hot to wear clothes or get married bcoz im of "marriageable age"
being in love....or rahter out of it... i love the sense independence that it gives me... that muy perspective is far sharper... and that i can indulge.... books music and long walks.... i can survive without the help of a set of male arms or shoulders....
im still a hard core romantic....i romanticise abt shandya bela,trees in the hills,night lights...the aroma of coffee(tho i hate coffee),almost anything.....
other than hormones and self imposed scruples theres nothing saying that anyones gotta get hitched....
bhak!!!!
marriage.
is this a way of seeking love, thru blog ? kiddin mite.
do not even touching such a thought provoking issue of adoption by a single man.
on your perfect match, restrictions keeping aside, one female who clearly stands up to it is sheetal malhar......hahahahaha.
on finding the one for you....well you just let go one.....you better know who am i talking about.
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